I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
time to smoke my breakfast
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
