Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
