All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
