i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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