Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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