I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
