why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
