Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
