Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
