Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
