i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
