so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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