Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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