If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I did not marry a roomba.
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