I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
