We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
