Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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