McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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