Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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