he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
