so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
