you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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