When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
