My room smells like vodka and shame
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
