He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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