I want to make a zoo with you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
