Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
