I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
