it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
