He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
