Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
