Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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