I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
