i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
