hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
