i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
