as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
