dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
