Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
