someone get that fucking seahorse.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
