but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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