My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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