i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
