FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
