Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
