So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
