I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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