There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
