Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
