my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
