He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
