Sponge bath it is.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
