i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
